life of haleigh

People who know me may say otherwise, but lately (as in the last year or so) I’ve been really good at coping. My new thing is, it is what it is. Honestly, terrible things happen (when you end up in the hospital with a blood clot in your lung, only to lose two jobs in the span of 1 month and then get a weeks notice to move your entire life back to a town you don’t like and on the way your car engine blows up), trust me, I know. But lately, I’ve just been letting it roll off my back. It’s not mine to carry.  Can you do something about it? If the answer is yes, then you’re going to be okay. If the answer is no, then you’re going to be okay. This is what I mean, things happen. Anyways. With all this quarantine, I’ve had a lot, I mean we’ve all had a lot of time to think and reflect on things. I realized I miss the hell out of my friends. I miss getting dressed for a normal day. I miss sleeping on a regular schedule. But I realized one thing and I haven’t really felt ri...

nothing gold can stay nature's first green is gold, her hardest hue to hold. her early leaf's a flower; but only so an hour. then leaf subsides to leaf. so Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. nothing gold can stay Do you think it's possible that Robert Frost wrote this specifically for me at age 20? If any of you ever read The Outsiders in high school, then you would obviously remember the famous line, "stay gold, Ponyboy." I won't spoil the context for you, but if you need something to read I highly recommend. Anyways, they were of course, referencing 'Nothing Gold Can Stay.' It was Johnny's way of telling Ponyboy to stay young, innocent, gold. Okay, with the 11th grade English lesson over with, let me tell you why I really wanted to talk about this.  I've written a lot about letting go. Letting go of people that hurt you, things that felt heavy, grudges, and bad days. But for some reason, this one po...

“IT TAKES EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO CALL YOU, AND I WISH I COULD RUN TO YOU, AND I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT EVERY TIME I DON’T, I ALMOST DO.” I want to call the hell out of you. I wanna scream those lyrics at the top of my lungs. I wanna punch my pillow. And cry. And be able to take my goddamn exams without checking my phone for your stupid name every three seconds. I want to scroll through Pinterest without crying at the next “excerpt from a book I’ll never write.” I wanna read our texts again, for the ninth time today. I wanna look at my pictures with you.  God dammit. Damn all of this. I wish I could take all of this and just crumple it up into a ball and Kobe throw it into the trash. I hate needing you like this. Some days, I am totally, one hundred percent hunky dory, good-as-can-be, myself. Other days, I’m consumed — no — being swallowed whole by this whole “change” thing. It’s sucks okay?? Did anybody ever tell you that? "How did we get here And how do we get bac...

I never believed in the whole waiting to tell someone you loved them. Or having to wait to make sure you’re in love. I feel like I love everyone I’ve ever really met in some way. Not to sound like an award-winning Netflix special, but this one’s for all of the people I’ve ever loved. There was the first “I love you.” I loved loving you. But this was the you who only showed me what love was by taking it away from me.  There was the you who held the door for me, the you I saw at the red light. The you who taught me microeconomics. The you who was a girl.  There’s the you who I wonder about every couple years, and I wonder if I should’ve told you I loved you way back then. There’s you who said you loved me and I didn’t love you back, (I hope you’re still doing good). And I liked you but you weren’t a very good conversationalist and then there was you and I wasn’t sure about the way you dressed. There was you, who had the sketchy friends, and you who I’d prob...

Yuck.  When I think of the word rejected I just think of that one episode of Zoey 101 where they follow that guy around chanting “RE-JE-CT-ED YEAH YOU JUST GOT REJECTED!!” It haunts me. HAUNTS me. Y’all I dunno if I wanna talk about this it hurts my feelingsssssss. Okay screw it fine.*long sigh*  I got my feelings hurt (cue the worlds tiniest violin). I’m talking HURT hurt. CEO of getting rejected. BIG ouch. Anyways.  Rejection is one of those weird things. You know what it reminds me of? Being like, 11 and you fall off the swing set and you actually got hurt but you just start to laugh and jump in circles and act like you’re not hurt even though your ears are ringing and you can’t feel your elbow.  It’s like that. It’s the worlds largest cringe. Like all of the oceans on this earth just rear up and vomit into one giant cringe tsunami. When I face rejection, I want to puke, cry, hide, and die all at the same time. I think the ...

Hi everyone, my name’s Grace and I’m about to be a relatable teen.  When I saw Haleigh was offering a spot on the blog, I was hella down. Then I realized, that oh right, you actually have to have something to write about. So I started brainstorming what I wanted to talk about. Every time I thought of something, the idea was too personal, at least to me. That’s when I figured that if I was going to write something, and make any kind of difference, it had to be personal.   Growing up I was mostly a happy kid, high energy (no sugar for me!!), and outgoing. I was good at a lot of things and I am really competitive. This gave me a lot of confidence as a child and all of a sudden, as a teenager a ton of that was taken away from me. I would get a ton of comments about being too skinny, having probably the lightest eyebrows you’ve ever seen on a dark haired girl, and being annoying (probably the worst thing ever). My self confidence from grade 8-11 was easily the lowest it’s...

At midnight on New Years of 2018 I told myself that 2019 was going to be different. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be better, I just had to make some changes, and at the time I wasn’t sure what that meant for me.  It’s been hard to write this honestly, because it messes up a lot of old feelings I spent a long time trying to sort out. 2019 was a huge year.  January 14 I started my blog. February 28 Learned how to change a car battery.  March 17 Became a fashion icon. April 3 Chased some rainbows. May 4 Danced with tears in my eyes. May 19 Gave 30 tattoos. June 1 Dyed my hair bleach. mf. blonde. June 26 First professional work trip. July 23 First day with no anxiety since October 4, 2018. August 5 Good music. New best friends. August 10 Ice cream & massive life decisions.  August 24 First taste of freedom. September 7 Enjoying the company of my best friends. Just really, deeply enjoy...

Hey friends, I am happy to be the first guest on Haleigh’s blog – I can’t top her btw. I want to talk about insecurities – the epitome to my human existence. When you look up insecurities the definition is “uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; the lack of confidence.” Similar: lack of confidence, lack of self-confidence, self-conscious, uncertain, timid, shy, self-doubt, diffidence, antsy, edgy, troubled, nervous, uneasy, upset, uptight, and worried. I would not want those words to be the first thing someone considers when they think of me, yet the lack of security in myself and my ideas, lingers. I remember the day that my ‘insecurities’ became apparent. It was bus ride home from school in 6th grade when a boy commented on the way I looked. I let his words define me for a large portion of my teenage years. The pre-existing idea of how I should look and act, followed me everywhere. As I got older, I thought there must be other ways to describe me. Instead of letting...

I haven’t been very honest with you guys. I think on social media I have been giving people the impression that I might be someone that I certainly am not. Hey, it’s ya girl, I wanna use this post as sort of a cross between a self-inflicted intervention/ group hug/Ted Talk. If you’re not ready for at least a little bit of cringe, click off now darlin. I have been really focused (and frankly, quite proud) of the small victories that I’ve had lately. Like I didn’t cry when I broke my finger, and I made myself dinner even though I reeealllyy didn’t feel like it. I got a job!! So I mean, yeah, there has been a lot of little things that have been going sooo well for me. But I’ve been keeping secrets, and I think it’s against my personal code of conduct to lie on this blog because this is how I connect with you guys. <<<3333 I’m gonna keep it real with you. Life has been kicking. My. Ass. Not even in big ways either, so it’s kind of hard to pinpoint what’s really going on...

I saw a ladybug today, and the last few days actually. It’s been living on my kitchen window ledge. In my family, maybe in yours too, I learned that ladybugs are good luck. So when I saw it, I was pleasantly excited for the luck that would happen in the next few days. A few days came, and passed. Nothing particularly lucky happened. In fact, I ended up spending the night in the emergency room, shattered my phone screen, got a parking ticket, and stained my new shirt. “Damn,” I thought, “when is that luck going to kick in?” A couple days later, ladybug still crawling on the window, I went to work. After walking inside I was greeted with a note from my boss with a little bit of cash to say I could get a cookie and a hot chocolate from the cafe across the street. AND as a bonus, we got to decorate for Christmas. Thanks, ladybug. Best day ever. Then I realized I forgot to pay for parking again. I waited anxiously to close so I could pull the ticket off my windshield. We ...

You will meet go-getters. The ones who are keen and optimistic. The ones who bounce into your life and radiate an electric sort of energy. You will be inspired by them. You will be swept away by these people. They teach you, they push you, they enlighten you. You will meet people who will leave you. These are the hardest people to meet. Because you will get to know them, open up your big, soft heart and let them make a home inside. You will cherish them and forgive them and they will leave. And no amount of pulling, or words, or love will make them stay.  You'll meet people who feel like home. And sunshine. And winter nights by the wood stove.  You will meet people who love you more than you love them. You’ll worry that you’re going to hurt them, and you might, but do not let that change your mind. There are some people who will walk into your life to show you how you should be loved. Cherish these people. You will miss them one day. You will meet soulmates. Not just...