My dad died on Valentine’s Day from a cancer in his brain that he fought for a year and a half. I’ll talk about that more one day, but what I want to say now comes from the buildup and the fallout. What I want to say is not about the suffering and turmoil that I watched my dad and my family experience for that year and a half, or the milestones we hit every day that I never mentioned, like the last day he had ice cream or went outside. I want to talk about him and I will. But today, I want to talk about the aftermath. People don’t know what to say about death and dying. They tell you they’re sorry and they could never do what you’re doing, they tell you how strong you are and graceful you’re being, admire how you’re “back to work” or “still able to have fun”. Grievers are told time and time again, nobody knows what the right thing to say is. And we have grace. Giggle it off and nod our heads, tell them thank you and it’s okay. Because it is okay. They aren’t doing anything wrong t...
I saw a ladybug today, and the last few days actually. It’s been living on my
kitchen window ledge.
In my family, maybe in yours too, I learned that ladybugs
are good luck. So when I saw it, I was pleasantly excited for the luck that
would happen in the next few days.
A few days came, and passed. Nothing
particularly lucky happened. In fact, I ended up spending the night in the
emergency room, shattered my phone screen, got a parking ticket, and stained my
new shirt. “Damn,” I thought, “when is that luck going to kick in?”
A couple
days later, ladybug still crawling on the window, I went to work. After walking
inside I was greeted with a note from my boss with a little bit of cash to say
I could get a cookie and a hot chocolate from the cafe across the street. AND
as a bonus, we got to decorate for Christmas. Thanks, ladybug. Best day
ever.
Then I realized I forgot to pay for parking again. I waited anxiously to
close so I could pull the ticket off my windshield. We walked out, no ticket in
sight.
Thanks again, mister ladybug!
I started thinking I was lucky for a lot of
things. Lucky I had good doctors who healed me up fast and lucky I had a safe
car to get parking tickets on. I was lucky to have a warm house to come home to
and lucky I had a cookie for breakfast at work.
It kind of hit me that we don’t
really need a ladybug to feel like something good is about to happen. We don’t
need wishbones or 11:11, we don’t need fortune cookies or four leaf clovers or
any of that. Sure, they remind us to think about what is to come...
But what is
to come is...already on its way.
Imagine this. You’re at a restaurant and you
order food and you see your waiter coming out, hands full, headed towards you.
You know this is a sign that your food is about to come to your table. But the
fact is that you already ordered it. It was coming anyways, that’s undeniable.
The waiter just signaled to you “yoohoo, incoming food!”
That’s like how the
ladybug says, “hey, you’ve got good things coming your way.” They’re already
coming. You just needed to be reminded to have hope.
Now this is a glimmer of hope that I
hold on to. I remind myself that luck is already manifested in my place in the
universe. It’s coming. Some days I don’t see a ladybug, most days in fact. But
what’s crazy is that even after the hospital, and the phone screen, and ticket,
and everything else bad, I held out hope for my luck to arrive because the
ladybug told me it would. It made the bad things more bearable.
So here I am,
being YOUR ladybug, telling you that umm HELLO!!! Good things are coming your
way!! I promise that four gazillion times over. And even if that annoying Karen
hurts your feelings at work or you lose your credit card at the mall, your hot
chocolate & cookie, Christmas decorating day is coming.
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