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Showing posts from November, 2019

it’s easy to be your friend because I love you

My dad died on Valentine’s Day from a cancer in his brain that he fought for a year and a half.  I’ll talk about that more one day, but what I want to say now comes from the buildup and the fallout. What I want to say is not about the suffering and turmoil that I watched my dad and my family experience for that year and a half, or the milestones we hit every day that I never mentioned, like the last day he had ice cream or went outside. I want to talk about him and I will. But today, I want to talk about the aftermath. People don’t know what to say about death and dying. They tell you they’re sorry and they could never do what you’re doing, they tell you how strong you are and graceful you’re being, admire how you’re “back to work” or “still able to have fun”. Grievers are told time and time again, nobody knows what the right thing to say is. And we have grace. Giggle it off and nod our heads, tell them thank you and it’s okay. Because it is okay. They aren’t doing anything wrong t...

I'm not who I said I was

I haven’t been very honest with you guys. I think on social media I have been giving people the impression that I might be someone that I certainly am not. Hey, it’s ya girl, I wanna use this post as sort of a cross between a self-inflicted intervention/ group hug/Ted Talk. If you’re not ready for at least a little bit of cringe, click off now darlin. I have been really focused (and frankly, quite proud) of the small victories that I’ve had lately. Like I didn’t cry when I broke my finger, and I made myself dinner even though I reeealllyy didn’t feel like it. I got a job!! So I mean, yeah, there has been a lot of little things that have been going sooo well for me. But I’ve been keeping secrets, and I think it’s against my personal code of conduct to lie on this blog because this is how I connect with you guys. <<<3333 I’m gonna keep it real with you. Life has been kicking. My. Ass. Not even in big ways either, so it’s kind of hard to pinpoint what’s really going on...

I saw a ladybug and it changed my life

I saw a ladybug today, and the last few days actually. It’s been living on my kitchen window ledge. In my family, maybe in yours too, I learned that ladybugs are good luck. So when I saw it, I was pleasantly excited for the luck that would happen in the next few days. A few days came, and passed. Nothing particularly lucky happened. In fact, I ended up spending the night in the emergency room, shattered my phone screen, got a parking ticket, and stained my new shirt. “Damn,” I thought, “when is that luck going to kick in?” A couple days later, ladybug still crawling on the window, I went to work. After walking inside I was greeted with a note from my boss with a little bit of cash to say I could get a cookie and a hot chocolate from the cafe across the street. AND as a bonus, we got to decorate for Christmas. Thanks, ladybug. Best day ever. Then I realized I forgot to pay for parking again. I waited anxiously to close so I could pull the ticket off my windshield. We ...

the people you'll meet

You will meet go-getters. The ones who are keen and optimistic. The ones who bounce into your life and radiate an electric sort of energy. You will be inspired by them. You will be swept away by these people. They teach you, they push you, they enlighten you. You will meet people who will leave you. These are the hardest people to meet. Because you will get to know them, open up your big, soft heart and let them make a home inside. You will cherish them and forgive them and they will leave. And no amount of pulling, or words, or love will make them stay.  You'll meet people who feel like home. And sunshine. And winter nights by the wood stove.  You will meet people who love you more than you love them. You’ll worry that you’re going to hurt them, and you might, but do not let that change your mind. There are some people who will walk into your life to show you how you should be loved. Cherish these people. You will miss them one day. You will meet soulmates. Not just...

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