My dad died on Valentine’s Day from a cancer in his brain that he fought for a year and a half. I’ll talk about that more one day, but what I want to say now comes from the buildup and the fallout. What I want to say is not about the suffering and turmoil that I watched my dad and my family experience for that year and a half, or the milestones we hit every day that I never mentioned, like the last day he had ice cream or went outside. I want to talk about him and I will. But today, I want to talk about the aftermath. People don’t know what to say about death and dying. They tell you they’re sorry and they could never do what you’re doing, they tell you how strong you are and graceful you’re being, admire how you’re “back to work” or “still able to have fun”. Grievers are told time and time again, nobody knows what the right thing to say is. And we have grace. Giggle it off and nod our heads, tell them thank you and it’s okay. Because it is okay. They aren’t doing anything wrong t...
My friends tell me that my party trick is knowing every lyric to every song I've ever heard. It's among my favourite party tricks (others, not so much). But for some reason, I just LOVE music. A good backstory, a good hook, everything about everything.
I wish everyone could feel music the way that I do.
So when someone shows me a song, its a very special thing for me. I always think about all things it could mean for them. If they're trying to tell me something that way, or if they just like the vibes. I learn all the words so we can sing it together. So I can understand it and understand them, too.
And for the rest of eternity I will think of them when it comes on.
I'll think about that one snapchat video where we couldn't even hear the concert in the background over the sound of us screaming along to Jason Aldean in that dusty field.
Or when Water Under the Bridge by Adele came out and we couldn't help but laugh about what it meant to love someone.
I'll remember driving with the top down to Bad At Love by Halsey on the first day the sun came out after winter.
Crying to What A Time at the $20 Julia Michaels concert.
Rapping to Gangsta Bop at work.
Holding hands to Tequila by Dan + Shay.
Reenacting Not Over You by Gavin DeGraw.
Dancing to Hold On by Wilson Phillips.
Looking for the feeling of the first time I heard Sun In Our Eyes by MØ.
Learning about Bruce Springsteen and Stevie Nicks.
There's so many things a song says that words don't.
There are so many memories that hit when the first line of a song comes on, it brings you right back to a time when things were different. When you didn't know all the things you know now. When the windows were rolled down, or that old speaker on the beach. Songs that someone told you reminds them of you. Songs you told someone reminds you of them.
I never liked that one song but once I knew it was your favourite I listened to it on repeat and it became one of the best songs I'd ever heard.
Sometimes, the right song comes along and you can't help but think this was made for me to say to you.
And there's so many lyrics I sing like I'm saying them to you//with you. I wish I could send you a love song, or send another you an I'm sorry song. Another you; an I miss you song, or a thank you song. So many times I had to skip that one because it reminded me of you too much it almost hurt. Sometimes I play that one extra loud so it kind of feels like it did that day.
Things fall apart, in life. You, me, then, now...in my hardest times, it was music that made things better.
So, if we ever fall apart (you the reader, and me the writer) send me a song. If you can't figure out what to say, let someone else. So, I made a playlist. All the words I couldn't figure out how to say. All the memories that flood the car when it comes on. All the 'reminds me of you's. All the 'this is my favourite part's. All the songs I learned to like because I adored you. All the songs I shared with besties and soulmates and club-goers and heartbreakers and empaths.
It't not that deep. It's just that for me it is lol. Anyways go listen.
if we ever stop talking send me a song
I dare you to send it to them.
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