you will always be too much

Too mild, too careless, too careful, too caring, too honest, too drunk, too cold, too sensitive, too goofy, too serious, too clingy, too independent, too shy, too extravagant, too lazy, too high maintenance, too organized, too fearful, too reckless, too confrontational, too difficult, too bossy, too frugal, too indecisive, too smart, too dumb, too social, too sad, too much attitude, too fake, too chunky, too skinny, too many Instagram posts, too filtered, too outspoken, too religious, too healthy, too much. Just too much.

For me? Too opinionated, too loud, too big of plans for my future, asks too many questions, says the same thing too many times. 

You will always be too something for someone. Even the people I love most in my life are too much of something.

One time, me and this girl really weren't getting along and I called my other friends for backup; you know, seventh grade things, and they all told me, "Haleigh, you're being too dramatic," and that it was too much of me to ask them not to talk to her. They were right, but aside from that, that was the first time I remember playing down my feelings because they were too much for other people.

I've encountered that a lot so far in my life. People saying I talk too much, or push too hard. Too many texts. Lower your voice. Stop asking me that. Too passionate about some topic. Too long of stories. 

And years went by like this. I watered everything down so people weren't so afraid to have a taste, and after all this time I became a dull, distant version of the Haleigh I knew once. And I feared I wouldn't know how to get her back.

Small rant, stop telling people they're too much of something. Do you realize that it doesn't make them less of that thing, it only makes them scared to be that around you? Anyways, how do you take back yourself without being too much?

You don't. 

You take back, and you forget the people who can't keep up.

I think everyone needs to be reminded that their job in this world isn't to make everyone as comfortable as possible.

So I turned my too much's into nothing other than just what they were.

The girl who was too chatty with the cashier, too open about her feelings, too loud of a laugh at the dinner table, too many opinions about politics, too many hand gestures, too emotional, too tired after work, too concerned about the noises in her car, too defensive of her friends, too high of standards, too many pictures of her nephew, too long to reply to texts, too many clothes on the floor, too much time on her phone, too many iced coffees, too many favourite songs (and too many this is my favourite part's), too forward about asking questions, falls for people too quickly, too quick to jump to conclusions, I became everything I was afraid to be.

And believe it or not, it was the least scary thing I've ever done. 

Look at someone you look up to. Nothing about them is too much for you. For me, I love when their Instagram story is too long, or when they go on about something they care about. I love when they've gone too long without a shower and joke about it, I love when they tell me about why they cried that day, and show me pictures in their camera roll. I love when their laugh turns heads at the restaurants. Nothing they do could ever be too much for me. And the same goes for you.

Think about that...like really think. Someone, some day, is going to love you so much that even too much of you feels like it isn't quite enough. 

I wish I could give everyone the space to be exactly who they are. 

You are exactly lovable, even if someone made you feel like you would be more only if you could just _______. 

Don't let it bother you too much.