My dad died on Valentine’s Day from a cancer in his brain that he fought for a year and a half. I’ll talk about that more one day, but what I want to say now comes from the buildup and the fallout. What I want to say is not about the suffering and turmoil that I watched my dad and my family experience for that year and a half, or the milestones we hit every day that I never mentioned, like the last day he had ice cream or went outside. I want to talk about him and I will. But today, I want to talk about the aftermath. People don’t know what to say about death and dying. They tell you they’re sorry and they could never do what you’re doing, they tell you how strong you are and graceful you’re being, admire how you’re “back to work” or “still able to have fun”. Grievers are told time and time again, nobody knows what the right thing to say is. And we have grace. Giggle it off and nod our heads, tell them thank you and it’s okay. Because it is okay. They aren’t doing anything wrong t...
Correction *they laughed.
Are we getting too close on this blog? Am I getting too comfortable? Maybe. But I’m gonna talk about getting embarrassed.
Can anyone guess what song I was singing? It’s a banger!!!! But the moment I looked over into the Kia Soul beside me and saw a my-aged boy laughing at me, I felt my soul leave my body.
Cheeks: red
Fight or flight: activated
Music: paused
Ready to: die
And the light turned green, he went down a different road, and that was the end of it. That was literally the end of it.
And here’s where I had my breakthrough (early in the story! I know!)
Being embarrassed is stupid you guys. It’s literally the stupidest thing. I have lived in this city (a massive one at that) a whole 4 weeks. And I’m really about to be embarrassed by some guy sitting next to me in traffic that I’ll never see again? Yeah right.
Think about a time you saw someone do something stupid. Like their foot catches the sidewalk and they trip, or they mess their words up in a presentation. Do you go home and think about that for hours? No. Maybe you’ll tell your family at the dinner table about “this one guy who...” and the conversation is over in two seconds.
Nobody cares. At all.
Isn’t that so freeing??
Like turn your music ALL THE WAY UP with the windows down. WHO IS GOING TO MAKE FUN OF YOU?!?! NOBODY. That’s the thing.
And the other thing is: if they do make fun of you, they’re too lame to even have a worthy opinion about you. Period!
If you’re like me, this advice is well-heard but easier said than done. That’s okay too. Are you kidding? I am the blueprint for embarrassing human beings. I get it.
But literally nobody can make you feel embarrassed and I swear it to you. Things are only as important as you make them. Text that person 700 times in a row if you want! Wear that flashy outfit! Own it. Just own it!
I’ll say it right now, I’ve never once in my life felt like someone was being embarrassing if they were confidently doing whatever they were doing. Or if they owned it.
“Holy apparently I need to learn how to walk.”
“I am so graceful it is unreal.”
“Yeah I do that! And what about it!”
See how these phrases make the person seem so confident?? Because they don’t give a single flying f**k about anyone’s opinion on them.
And haleigh, yeah I’m talking to you: if you ever let a stranger make you turn your music down again, I will personally kick your ass.
You know what yeah I tripped and fell when I was hungover on the train tracks and I messed up my leg.
There's a video of me singing that went around the school and I just...can't think about it.
I showed up overdressed to a hockey game and got roasted by the girlfriends.
I fell down the stairs in front of my middle school crush.
And I fumbled my words so bad in a presentation front of 500 people that I actually shed a tear.
In fact, I do something like this once a day (at least). I need to get it off my plate.
I don’t care. Not anymore at least.
I think if all of us need to stop being so hard on ourselves and just accept the fact that we are humans and we are different and goofy and absolutely lovely and nothing is weird. And nobody's opinions about you matter at all because lots of the time (I promise) they are projecting their insecurities onto you. It's not yours to hold. Lets not be like those people. *ick*
When did it become so scary to be a little yourself?
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