On the day I found out my dad had a year to live, I was standing at work, typing away stupidly about something I can’t remember now. And in an instant, I was catapulted into a terrible grief I knew nothing about. Like a dark room I’d never entered, feeling my way around. Gemma called my boss, my colleagues, and my best friends. Ordering one to give me time off, to get coffee, and to buy moving boxes. In the apartment, I couldn’t even remember my own name. Gemma found my passport, called my sister and arranged a pick up, and booked my flight for the next morning. Early but not too early, because she said I needed sleep. How do I even begin to pack right now? Gemma told everyone what to do. She put on my favourite songs, Taylor Swift, whom she didn’t particularly care for, and made the executive decision to toss my near-empty shampoo bottles. We walked through a handful of outfits I’d need - certainly comfy ones - as Gemma proposed. And when I’d come back to collect my t...
December 31st, 2021: 10:15pm I convinced my parents I’d be okay to spend New Years alone. I would be okay. After all, I like being alone. It’s not that I didn’t wish I was invited to be with my friends, I just got used to not being there. And I was happy to hear the fireworks outside from my bedroom window. I’m old enough now. I don’t need to be bothered by people who don’t love me. There isn’t a version of me before this who could have said that and meant it. This year, there isn’t even a background noise of my old hurt, and I sleep soundly. January 1st, 2022: 8:00am I take my very first antidepressant. I feel nothing (obviously). I decide to take the month off of drinking to see if it works. It does. Two weeks after my first dose I wake up before my alarm and smile. I still have so much time before I have to go to work. I begin to sleep full nights. My dad tells me he finally sees the Haleigh he always knew I could be. I see her, too. April 29th, 2022: 3:00pm A doctor in Vancouver co...