On the day I found out my dad had a year to live, I was standing at work, typing away stupidly about something I can’t remember now. And in an instant, I was catapulted into a terrible grief I knew nothing about. Like a dark room I’d never entered, feeling my way around. Gemma called my boss, my colleagues, and my best friends. Ordering one to give me time off, to get coffee, and to buy moving boxes. In the apartment, I couldn’t even remember my own name. Gemma found my passport, called my sister and arranged a pick up, and booked my flight for the next morning. Early but not too early, because she said I needed sleep. How do I even begin to pack right now? Gemma told everyone what to do. She put on my favourite songs, Taylor Swift, whom she didn’t particularly care for, and made the executive decision to toss my near-empty shampoo bottles. We walked through a handful of outfits I’d need - certainly comfy ones - as Gemma proposed. And when I’d come back to collect my t...
I thought my last post was a little angry. (True, but aggressive). And I know better than that. I pride myself in being pretty good at turning anger into something lighter. So I found a reason to thank you. When I came to terms with the fact that I couldn’t do this anymore (and by ‘do this’ I mean suffocate from our friendship) I was distraught. Like I just wasted such a big part of my life on you. I felt empty. Because you drained every last feeling I had out of me. I was no longer sad, or tired, or lonely, just empty. But all that's changed. And I felt like that for a long time. I looked at old pictures of us and I missed you and I wanted to call you and ask you to hang out again. I spent even more wasted time on wondering if it was my fault, if I drove you to act the way you did to me, and wondering why you just left me here to think about these things with no explanations. Finally, though, I can say there’s a lot that I learned from you. Here is ten entire reasons wh...